In fact, I finished reading the Naruto manga a few weeks ago, but then I got a nasty cold, and then I decided to play Etrian Odyssey again, and I don't even know why I found it so hard the first time, because it wasn't harder than any other RPG, and then I decided to get a move on with the Gyakuten Saiban translations. I should have posted this earlier while it was still fresh in my memory, but shaanai naa, what can you do?

I guess I'm Madara. Reality is way over-rated.

So... I was disappointed. An awful lot of sharks were jumped. It felt like Kishimoto went "Oops! I've just OP'd Madara, what should I do? I know! Let's power up Naruto and Sasuke! Akan! I've OP'd the boys now... What should I do? I know, I'll make Madara more powerful. Oh, damn —" etc etc. So many sharks were jumped, so many. I really preferred Part 1 to Part 2. As the series progressed, it became more and more about...

...and less and less about strategies. I liked how in the older stories, the underdog saved the day through clever tactics, rather than brute force. And then we got onto the final arc, and it all just came crumbling down.

Anyway, my main take-away from this is:

Kishimoto Hates Minato

Poor guy really got the crappy end of the stick, didn't he? First it's all "Yay! He's so awesome, he's Hokage at only 23 years old!" Only one year later, he dies alongside his wife, his newborn child is orphaned, the person responsible for all this was his own student, and when he later gets to meet his child for the first time, he gets a punch in the stomach from said child...

Naruto got a time-out for that

...then when he gets resurrected, he is the only one of the zombie Hokage to lose a limb —

no, both his arms —

...without regeneration like the other zombies...

...gets dissed by his former student...

Yes, I did de-zombify him; someone's gotta look out for my boy

...and then in Minato's final moments, all Naruto can go on about is his mum, and MINATO DOESN'T EVEN GET ONE HUG OR AN "I LOVE YOU" FROM HIS OWN CHILD.

Just give your poor old Touchan a hug, gosh sakes, Naruto!

Seriously, Kishimoto. Minato really doesn't catch a break, does he?

All right, for that, I'll let you out of time-out, Narutops

I hate you, Kishimoto.

And this is why Tsunade's Tsukuyomi Dream is my headcanon.

Sakura is Still a Dumb Bint

She has a couple of moments, but for the most part, she keeps up her streak of uselessness. Always reliable, that one.

"Well, it looks like it's just me left. That means it's my time to shine!"

Ha ha ha! . . . . . . You're so screwed.

B U R N.

You have one job, Sakura. Just destroy that eye. How hard can it be?

What the hell are you waiting for?

DAMMIT, SAKURA!

Oh my Lucy, Minato saved the day even with no freakin' arms!

Hey, Sakura, how bout you freakin' DO something?!

Sakura is Still Thirsty

OH MY GOSH, WILL YOU SHUT UP. At least she's showing a little self-awareness, I guess.

The kind of kind and gentle girl who happily beats up her team-mate who's faithfully stuck by her despite her uselessness and bullying behaviour. What did I say before? Kakashi is an enabler. The further I get through this story, the more I dislike him. Yeah, he's cool and all, but he failed all his students, and lacks the necessary judgement skills to even read something as simple as this. He simply isn't cut out to be a sensei, let alone freakin' Hokage.

Well, he got the "spills tears" part right, anyway. Although it's a redundant statement, because that's all she freakin' does!

Sakura Still Needs the Waambulance

Seriously, someone's gotta make a compilation video of every time she cries.

Sakura does something really gross in Chapter 663, and I'll leave you to look it up yourself if you're that curious. Ewwwwwww. Kishimoto, you could have thought of something better, surely? Ewwww.

Sasukin is Still a Whiny Emo Brat, but it's Nice to See the Old Sasuke Now and Then

WORD.

Which is why the epilogue MAKES NO SENSE. Show, don't tell. Why would Sasukin end up marrying Sakura, when he's shown nothing but contempt for her all this time? IT'S NOT BELIEVABLE, KISHIMOTO.

Holy carp, what even was the point of this? It was like watching that battle at the end of Part 1 all over again.

Naruto: Don't be consumed by hatred! Pep Talk Jutsu!
Sasukin: You don't understand! You don't listen to enough Dashboard Confessional! How can you know my pain? NOW DIE!
Naruto: I will win! With the power of FRIENDSHIP!
Sasukin: DON'T MOCK ME!!

Sasukin Tells Us What it Means to be Hokage

So Sasukin, a Hokage...

I dunno, like, take up poetry, or something. Gosh.

Here's a Spoiler: The Epilogue Sucks!

Like I said, he would be a crap Hokage. Also, that's not what "enormity" means, although he's accidentally kinda in the right ball park. Sasuke has performed a few enormities for which he should be locked up.

What the heck have you done to Kurenai? Way to ruin another female character by depicting her as some washed-up, withered has-been, just because she's a female past 30. Gosh darn it, Kishimoto.

THIS is what I was talking about. This is the memory that should have motivated Naruto in his redemption efforts. But it's only brought up riiiiight at the end. It should have been a running theme. There should have been one or two moments like this that showed that Sasukin really did have a good heart deep down. That would make the readers root for his redemption, too. I'm thinking of writing a Sasukin fix. It might be a while, though.

Gosh, Sakura has such a punchable face.

WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU NAME YOUR KID "SALAD" OMG

Star Wars

There's a reason I've been exclusively using Star Wars gifs.

• Anakin is whiny — Sasukin is whiny
• Father-figure teacher Obi-Wan fails to spot darkness in Anakin — Father-figure teacher Kakashi spots darkness in Sasukin, but does nothing about it
• Infatuated, obsessive teen Anakin must marry object of obsession — Infatuated, obsessive teen Sakura must marry object of obsession
• Anakin joins the Jedi's enemy the Sith to get more POWAAA — Sasukin joins Konoha's enemy Orichimaru to get more POWAAA
• Anakin wants to destroy the Jedi — Sasukin wants to destroy Konoha
• Anakin slays not just the men, but the women and the children, too — Sasukin wants to slay not just the men, but the women and the children, too
• Youngling-slaying for UNLIMITED POWAAA — Trying to youngling-slay for mangekyou's UNLIMITED POWAAA
• Sith Lightning — Chidori
• Luke tries to redeem Anakin — Naruto tries to redeem Sasukin
• Anakin and Luke both lose a hand — Sasukin and Naruto both lose a hand

END!

What are my final thoughts? I don't even know anymore. Naruto had way more potential. It started off really good, but the last arc sucked with all the OPing, the reincarnation thing, the sage thing, the Kaguya thing, and then Obito somehow managing to transfer his sharingan to Kakashi through a vision or something, and Tsunade managing to survive being cut in half, I don't even know. Sharks were jumped.

The biggest flaws for me are how badly Kishimoto treats his female characters (I do not buy his excuses); Sakura being nothing but lust-on-legs, when she should have been a key player; Sasukin being an annoying whiny brat, when we should have been able to sympathise with his motivations; and the ridiculous OPing in the last arc.

Honestly, Naruto could have been an A1 series, but its flaws are too big to overlook, and it's a shame. Is it on the same level as the Star Wars prequels? It's hard to say. It has enough of the flaws of the PT, but enough wins to counter it. There are some genuinely likeable characters in there, and a well fleshed-out universe. Do I recommend it? Mmm, I dunno. I guess it just depends on if it's your kinda thing. I wouldn't say I regret slogging through it. Apart from the last arc, I liked it, despite its flaws. And with that, the snark is over. Here is a picture of Minato looking cute to dispel the image of Sakura's punchable face. Okay, bye!