I feel a little bit disillusioned with Rudy Simone. Aspergirls was my absolute favourite Aspie resource, for the first time I'd found every single "you're such a weirdo/freak/shame on the family" moment I'd had explained, understood and accepted. For the first time I found people who really really knew what it was like for me, to know that I wasn't just a weirdo/freak/shame on the family, but there was a reason for my being a misfit, and it wasn't my fault. This book was like the best friend I never had.

But after Rudy Simone's "I'm not Aspie anymore" speech it feels a little disingenuous.

Having said that, I still really do recommend the book. It helped me in so many ways.

First up, I want to make this bit clear: I don't have a problem with her statement that "I truly don't feel autistic anymore".

After a few years of reading through Aspie forums, I've read of many people reaching adulthood feeling like they wouldn't qualify for a diagnosis anymore. If you've been reading my posts on Asperger's on here, you'll see that I also feel like I might not even be obviously Aspie enough to qualify for one anymore. For me, Asperger's = negative. So now I've managed to reduce the severity of the negative aspects by changing my diet, I do kind of feel like I'm going native. But I know that however much I may present as "normal", and however well I've learned to navigate this NT world, inside I still think like an Aspie, I still stim like an Aspie, I still loathe uninvited touch like as Aspie, I still have aversions like an Aspie, I still get stuck on social situations I havn't rehearsed for like as Aspie, I still see things from an Aspie point of view (and don't see the things NT do).

But anyway, she says later:

You're bound to have heard this one:

They say talking to yourself is the first sign of madness.

The ever-elusive "they"! But is it really? You see, for me, talking to myself is the only way I can effectively interact with the outside world.

Verbal communication does not come naturally to me. My way of thinking is primarily visual and abstract. If I don't rehearse what I need to say before-hand, all that will come out is a jumbled mixture of sounds and random syllables. So what I spend a lot of time doing is something called "scripting". Although this is different from the echolalia-type scripting, which I will talk about later.

If you were to be creepy and place a spy-cam in my room, a good deal of the time you would see me, sitting on the bed, doing what appears to be talking to imaginary friends. What I'm doing, then, is practising how to talk.

I'm actually enjoying reading through the Musings of an Aspie site. So looking through the Take a Test archives, I saw the post about the Liebowitz Social Anxiety Scale Test. And I can never resist a quiz. What's surprising is my score:

40(fear) + 44(avoidance) = 84 You have severe social phobia

Umm, I'm pretty sure I'd have known by now if I had severe social phobia?? I'm looking through my answers and they seem as accurate as they can be. But honestly, I don't think this fits. Having said that, it's taken me 13 years to pluck up the courage to finally book an appointment with the dentist, and even that was nerve-racking. Not because I'm scared of the actual treatment -- ha! Now I'm over 18 they can't do anything to me without my permission -- the scary thing was actually booking the appointment in the first place.

(Edit: I have actually since been diagnosed as Anxiety Disorder NOS, because lazy doctor is lazy. Or rather, stingy. But I definitely don't qualify for Social Anxiety.)

I just did this one as well:

The Ritvo Autism Asperger Diagnostic Scale-Revised

The last time I did this, my EQ was 5 🙁

Your Empathizing Quotient is 9. Baron-Cohen (2003) suggests that this means "you have a lower than average ability for understanding how other people feel and responding appropriately".

Your Systemizing Quotient is 35. Baron-Cohen (2003) suggests that this means "you have an average ability for analysing and exploring a system".

Yes, eat that! I'm almost 2x more empathetic than in 2011! Empathy up 80%!

According to Musings of an Aspie: